The Invisible Boy And The Need To Be Appreciated And Accepted

Trudy Ludwig. 

She is a Hero of mine. 

There was a time when I admired athletes, movie stars, and musicians.  Not anymore.  Now I most admire KidLit authors and illustrators.  Trudy is probably on my Mount Rushmore of children's authors.

She has a new book, The Invisible Boy.  You should read it.  If you are a parent it should be on your bookshelf. If you are an Educator of any kind-- Teacher, Librarian, School Counselor--you must have access to it at your school. It needs to be in your hands and the hands of your students.

 

Every young person needs to experience a true sense of belonging. Every young person needs to feel valued. Every young person needs to BE appreciated and accepted for who they are. No. Matter. What.  Trudy's book addresses these important issues of Being.

 

So, what's the book about?  Read about it here.  And here.  Here, too.

This activity guide from Peace First may further help to foster a more complete understanding:  Inclusion/Exclusion.

There are lots of adults out there who are like the character in The Invisible Boy.  A book by Susan Cain may enhance your awareness-- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

The invisible boy and others like him are easy to overlook or dismiss or disregard.  Please do not do that.  Start by reading The Invisible Boy.  It will move you to make a difference in someone's life.

 

School Counseling Linky Party

 

I am a bit late to this, but here I am nonetheless.  Marissa Rex has an ever resourceful counseling blog, Elementary School Counseling.  Only go there when you have plenty of time as there is alot of stuff you'll want to use in your own work with young people.

She is hosting a Linky Party, where anyone gets to reflect on their own blog from the past year. It is a fun way to reflect on 2012 and gear up for 2013.


 





My best feature is Set Your Intentions.  Simply stated, it is quotes which inspire me.  I put them out there to share with you with hopes that they provide motivation for you. Here is my very first one- Watering Your Dreams.




For me, this post encapsulates so much of what I value-- a growth mindset, the process of change, and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable-- Learning is a Leap of Faith.  The girl in this video is awesome!


 

Most of what I write evolves over a lengthy period of time.  This post, however, was written in a matter of minutes-- Advocate.  Erin Mason from SCOPE tweeted a question and it turned into this post.


 

You want a kid lit book to work on just about anything? This is the place to find it-- Books That Heal Kids
               


She is connected to the things that matter most-- The Principal's Posts



I wish I wrote like him-- Mountains Out of Molehills

If you are stuck in a rut and need your thinking stretched, this is a place to go--Blogging Through the Fourth Dimension.

If Education is your passion and you think there is such a thing as compassionate leadership then make a habit of checking this blog regularly-- Life of an Educator.

 

Flashbacks to The Pirate Counselor

The acclaimed director, George Roy Hill gave a dressing-down to Paul Newman for feeling sorry for himself and for believing that he was not worthy of his lot in life.  Mr. Newman lamented that if it were not for luck he'd be a nobody.  Mr. Hill told him, "Some people sit by the window all day and watch Luck pass by."


Opportunity.  Fate.  Luck.

So, really, it is not just luck.  It takes Fate.  The right place at the right time.  Circumstances and Opportunity, too.  And you need to seize the moment.  Otherwise, Luck will just pass right by your window.

Flashback
It is the last day of your first school year as a counselor and a parent drops by your office.  She is about to ask if you know anyone who'd like to be a counselor on a sail boat to work with adjudicated youth. No pressure or anything, but You better do this!

Malcolm Gladwell has a pretty good theory laid out in his book, Outliers, that it takes 10,000 hours to master your craft.  It requires innate talent, to be sure.  But it also requires no small amount of opportunity, luck, and practiced purposeful repetition.  Mr. Gladwell delineates the timeline of Bill Gates and The Beatles as they did their thing hour after hour after hour for years at a time.  It is a story worth reading.

Words to live by to The Rookie Counselor Me:  This seems kind of daunting when you are just beginning. But, if you have found your thing, then you do it because you love it. It will drive you and provide you with profound meaning. It is your little Acorn of Purpose. If it is what you really want to do with your life then it is going to grow and prosper and thrive.

Flashback
You will sail aboard the Francis Crow, namesake for the Englishman who, in 1818, patented the first liquid mariner compass. She's a 40-foot schooner of tight and limited space for 8 kids, a Captain, and a First Mate.  (These camps sailed the Chesapeake Bay for week-long excursions.) You will help them learn responsibility, respect, manners, cooperation and teamwork, and on and on.  These kids will swab the decks, cook in the galley, clean the head, practice seamanship, and try not to wring each others' neck.  There will be boys and girls from age 8 to 17.  It will be quite the challenge.

I could not have asked for a more organic setting to work on group dynamics and individual behaviors of real concern (BORC).  Crammming 11 people in a small space with blazing sun one day and driving rain the next creates a canvas of plentiful drama for a counselor to practice his craft.

This was an invaluable and mighty learning experience for me.  I plowed through a lot of those 10,000 hours needed to become versatile in my craft.  (During the Summer, 6 days a week, for 5 years). It was fun.  It did not feel like 'work'.  It required a high degree of concentrated focus, a receptive openness to be in the moment and fully present, and nurturing engagement with these kids from culturally eccletic experiences. 

It took Luck. 

Do not let Luck pass by your window. 

Advocate

Here is a recent Tweet from my Twitter friend Dr. Mason:

  Dr. Erin Mason @ecmmason

Most go into #schoolcounseling bc you already see self as advocate. What's one thing u want to advocate for when ur in the field? #CSL521



I have more to write then what the 140-characters Twitter allows.  So, here comes a blog post.  Usually I ponder and percolate with these things. Not with this.  It was kind of there just waiting to be expressed. So, thanks, Dr. Mason.

I segmented this metamorposis into three stages of my own personal development:  1). Reason for entering grad school, 2). Freshly minted mindset of a Graduate, and 3). What I believe at this precise moment.

Reason for entering graduate school
I was disenchanted with what I was doing, coupled with feeling compelled by the desire to have the same impact on kids which I experienced while growing up.  I was fortunate to have many adults willing to take me under their wing, kick me in the rear as was sometimes necessary, and encourage me during my formative years.  They included a coach, a few teachers, and church leaders.

Upon graduation 
It was genuine, but rather vague: Help prepare young people for a future in which they may experience success. That's it.  Not much to go on, I know, but that's it.

Today, this is where I believe my advocacy resides
Intrinsic Motivation - I'd love for kids to do stuff because they want to do it and because it is in their highest interest.
Understanding - I want young people to know about how things --desires, emotions, beliefs-- work, the cause and effect of their thoughts/actions, and what makes their 'self' tick.
Process of Change - Awareness of how changing happens naturally, not forcefully or that which is placed upon you.
Passion - Discover it.  Unleash it.  Wake up each morning to share all that you have to offer.

This is how I want to advocate and will do so for each person who I find myself in their midst to the best of my ability.  Each young person arrives with a unique life story, baggage they carry with them, limited/extensive background knowledge and experiences. Perhaps, what I strive for is to remove the obstacles from their path so as to clear the way for them to grow unencumbered.

Or, maybe, this captures what I am looking for when I now think of advocacy---as Shakespeare so elegantly penned, My heart is ever at your service.

Thanks, Dr. Mason, for nudging me to reflect.  Now it is your turn to comment, #CSL521.  I'd love to hear from you.  Please share your Counselor Mindset at this point in your career!

I Have Anger Issues With Anger Issues - Part 2: Emotionally Speaking

In the last post I voiced my concern over 'anger issues'.  I believe that it is an over-used catch phrase.  I have found that we expect kids to be able to act a certain way just because someone tells them they should know better.  Or, that a school has rules and students should know right from wrong-- or face the consequences.  Like it just magically happens.

Here is what I think:  Behavior concerns are a lot like Academic concerns.  There is either a skill deficit or something going on with skill fluency.  With academics, we usually provide the supports necessary to remediate and help the student along.  When dealing with behavior which stems from emotions the whole tangled ball is quite a challenge. 

Here is what I try to do to help kids as well as collaborate with Teachers and Parents:

Be Aware
Learn to recognize the signs of your anger.  Anger is an emotional signal that warns something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

Positive Emotional Expression
It is okay to have angry emotions.  Some kids are taught that anger is bad.  That is not true.  It all pivots on the manner in which it is conveyed. Take responsibility for your actions and emotions.  Blaming will not help.  In fact, it will probably escalate the situation.  Use "I" statements to help claim ownership of the situation.  (Here is an example from The Responsive Classroom).

Healthy Strategies
Our students need help with this.  This includes practiced repitition, encouraging feedback, and nuanced refinement. There are some things that sound easy to do- like counting to 10 and taking deep breaths- but are really, really difficult to actually do during the heat of the moment.  These things seem to help some folks, so give it a whirl and see how it works for you.  If those don't seem to help try removing yourself from the situation.  Give yourself a Mantra.  Go do something you enjoy.  Talk to someone you trust.  Draw. Go run in the gym.  Shoot hoops. (I am not a big fan of hitting a pillow, or anything like that.  Instead, squish clay or kneed dough).

There are lots of resources out there which can be of great help to you as you help the young  people in your life.  Explore.  Try new things.  Find what works for you.  Here are a few ideas:  Angry Animals 2 board game, free Feeleez feelings coloring sheets, Managing Your Anger: What's Behind It? poster, Howard B. Wigglebottom animated book, and book reviews by Roxanne at Books That Heal Kids on Anger. What books, games, activities do you like to put to use?  Please share.

One last thing. This is important.  All these strategies and interventions are good. What I think is most essential, though, is to carve out your own thought process/belief system/philosophy that works personally for you in regards to how the process of change occurs.  It is all about taking a situation from where it currently is and helping it evolve to where you aspire to be.  This is a slow, gradual process.  Here is an old post which lays out The Process Of Change for me.  What do you hang your hat on when it comes to Shifting Yourself?

I Have Anger Issues with Anger Issues - Part 1

    Student:   I have anger issues.
     Parent:    My Daughter is always mad at me.  I think she has anger issues.
     Teacher:  I know what his problem is....he does not know how to control his anger.

To that I say this-- enough already.

The times are few and far between that someone became angry because of anger.  More than likely the triggering emotion was jealousy, frustration, worry, or embarrassment.  Maybe it was a feeling of exclusion.  Or somebody touched some one's stuff without permission.  Maybe a friend borrowed a prized possession and did not return it.  In any case, the outcome was not as anticipated.  Perhaps, that is what led to the anger.

Do me a favor.  Please do not call it anger issues.  Instead, call it a problem with sharing.  Or fearful of not fitting in with peers.  Maybe sad about moving to a new school.  All these things could cause an outward, visible expression of anger.  But, underneath the surface is something else.  Look for it.  Sit with it.  Acknowledge it.  Address it.  Be Healthy about it. It is not going to go away on its own. Covering it with the blanket statement of 'anger issues' does little to address the behavior of real concern.   

I believe an important skill to learn is to cope; to make a difficult and stressful situation less so. What do you do when something does not turn out the way in which you hoped and thought it would?  How do you deal with these trying, sudden emotions?  How can we help young people as they experience something like this?

In my next post- I Have Anger Issues with Anger Issues, Part 2: Emotionally Speaking-  I will deliniate the manner in which I set out to help young people navigate their emotions.

stumble upon

I stumbled upon the counseling profession gig.  It was a moment of epiphany, mind you.  Still, stumbling is stumbling.

Once upon a time, I was in an entirely different profession.  One day while having lunch with a colleague he shared with me that he was thinking of changing careers.  Either he was going to take an offer to be the Tennis Pro at a country club or go back to school to become a Counselor.  Aha!- the light bulb went off.  That is what I want to do.  BE a School Counselor.  Hence, the start of my path down This Counselor's Journey.

Education is what drives me and bestows me with a sense of purpose (Outside of my family, of course).  It provides me focus, a place to put my creative energy. It is one of the things I am here to do.  It is a calling that comes naturally.  I was lucky to have stumbled upon this profession.

What have you stumbled upon?

Being Mindful

That's my son in the photo.  Look at those footprints.  One after the other.  Step. Step. Step.  Each one is with determined focus and careful intention.  He has not yet learned about hurry.  No way, not him.  I hope he never does.  Each stride leaves an imprint of exploration, discovery, and wonder. 

Step. Step. Step. 

As for me?  Well, I am a different story.  Sometimes I catch myself rushing through the hallways here at school.  You know how it is, places to be and people to see.  In such a hurry I am not mindful. Nor am I fully present.  That is definitely not purposeful.  After all, how good of a counselor can I be if I am not completely focused on and fully engaged with whomever I am meeting.

During these moments I make a deliberate effort to slow down.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Smile.

Go easy.

Doing those simple things makes a significant difference.  I feel better– my body is no longer tense and my mind is uncluttered.  Thus, I am in a better place to help those who need me.

When you find yourself shaken like a Snow Globe what do you do to settle yourself?