Unexpected, Yet Perfect

Several years ago I was teaching a lesson to a class.  It was a disaster.  At least that was my initial assessment. The class was off-task in every way.  If I remember correctly it was snowing outside and we were preparing for an early dismissal.

I was exasperated and my patience box was empty.  I recall giving my “I’m disappointed in you” speech and instructing the class to be silent for the remaining five minutes.  To coin a phrase, it was one of those days.

The following week when I had that class again several hands were immediately raised.  When called upon, a student requested if they could do what they did last week.  I was perplexed.  What could this student possibly be referring to?  Last week was something I wanted to move on from.  However, in an effort to learn from the previous lesson, I asked what was it that we did which was so enjoyable.  The response was unexpected, yet perfect.  The student told me he wanted to sit absolutely still.  When probed further, other students echoed this sentiment.  “Yeah, it was relaxing” and “It gave me a chance to think about my day” and “I like listening to my own breath.”  How cool is that!?

Essentially, they were asking to be in the moment; fully present and engaged.  Not distracted.  Not impulsive.  Not off task.  From then on I have incorporated that type of activity into many lessons.  It teaches them to be more aware of themselves and how they are connecting to the process of learning.

After that I found something called, The Kid's Yoga Deck.  It includes easy to use strategies which promote concentration and focus.  I have also found that these exercises help kids to pay attention to how their body responds to stressful situations.  It is empowering for young people to be attuned to their mind and body.
What unexpected, yet perfect outcomes have you experienced in your own life?

Set Your Intentions #5

This is the beginning of a new day.  You have been given this day to use as you will.  You can waste it or use it for good.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.  When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good.
-Author Unknown

I Have Anger Issues With Anger Issues - Part 2: Emotionally Speaking

In the last post I voiced my concern over 'anger issues'.  I believe that it is an over-used catch phrase.  I have found that we expect kids to be able to act a certain way just because someone tells them they should know better.  Or, that a school has rules and students should know right from wrong-- or face the consequences.  Like it just magically happens.

Here is what I think:  Behavior concerns are a lot like Academic concerns.  There is either a skill deficit or something going on with skill fluency.  With academics, we usually provide the supports necessary to remediate and help the student along.  When dealing with behavior which stems from emotions the whole tangled ball is quite a challenge. 

Here is what I try to do to help kids as well as collaborate with Teachers and Parents:

Be Aware
Learn to recognize the signs of your anger.  Anger is an emotional signal that warns something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

Positive Emotional Expression
It is okay to have angry emotions.  Some kids are taught that anger is bad.  That is not true.  It all pivots on the manner in which it is conveyed. Take responsibility for your actions and emotions.  Blaming will not help.  In fact, it will probably escalate the situation.  Use "I" statements to help claim ownership of the situation.  (Here is an example from The Responsive Classroom).

Healthy Strategies
Our students need help with this.  This includes practiced repitition, encouraging feedback, and nuanced refinement. There are some things that sound easy to do- like counting to 10 and taking deep breaths- but are really, really difficult to actually do during the heat of the moment.  These things seem to help some folks, so give it a whirl and see how it works for you.  If those don't seem to help try removing yourself from the situation.  Give yourself a Mantra.  Go do something you enjoy.  Talk to someone you trust.  Draw. Go run in the gym.  Shoot hoops. (I am not a big fan of hitting a pillow, or anything like that.  Instead, squish clay or kneed dough).

There are lots of resources out there which can be of great help to you as you help the young  people in your life.  Explore.  Try new things.  Find what works for you.  Here are a few ideas:  Angry Animals 2 board game, free Feeleez feelings coloring sheets, Managing Your Anger: What's Behind It? poster, Howard B. Wigglebottom animated book, and book reviews by Roxanne at Books That Heal Kids on Anger. What books, games, activities do you like to put to use?  Please share.

One last thing. This is important.  All these strategies and interventions are good. What I think is most essential, though, is to carve out your own thought process/belief system/philosophy that works personally for you in regards to how the process of change occurs.  It is all about taking a situation from where it currently is and helping it evolve to where you aspire to be.  This is a slow, gradual process.  Here is an old post which lays out The Process Of Change for me.  What do you hang your hat on when it comes to Shifting Yourself?

Three Easy Steps!

At a training I attended for Critical Incident Stress Management the presenter suggested to do these three things for most every situation and you will not go wrong:

             1.  Do not panic.


             2.  Assess the situation.


             3.  Do the obvious.

Since that time I always try to incorporate this into my daily life; both professionally and personally.  I think I have integrated the process into my being so that it just flows without even thinking about it.  It just happens.

What simple, yet effective strategies work for you in maintaining composure while helping others during highly stressful incidents?

New Beginnings

A fresh start.  A clean slate.  A blank canvas.  That is what a new school year offers.  A new beginning. I have come to believe that the start of a new school year is all about establishing routine and forming patterns of habit.  Maybe it can be looked upon as preparing the mindset for success.

My children are in First Grade this year.  It will be their first experience of being in school for a whole, entire day.  So that puts ‘back to school’ in a new and fresh perspective for me.  Essentially, what am I able to do as a parent to help my kids navigate this new beginning in their life?  How can I be a model for them to fill their blank canvas with things like motivation, accountability, and a happy effort?

At our home, the goal is to set simple, matter-of-fact expectations for my daughter and son.  Go to bed at a reasonable time.  Select clothes the night before.  Place backpacks by the door.  Choose and pack a snack/lunch prior to going to bed.  Talk a bit about what will be in store for the upcoming day; something they are looking forward to or perhaps something that is causing them unease.

 I have found that this preparation allows mornings to be less stressful and the transition to school easier.  Not to mention that it instills a sense of personal responsibility as they begin to develop healthy, productive patterns of habit.

I would like to hear from Parents.  What works for you and your family?  What habits have you co-created with your children that pave the way for success to take place in school?  And if you are an educator, please chime in, too!  What stories do you have to share!

Are You At Your Best?

When I was a counseling student, my professor, Dr. Kahn, presented the process of change to the class by way of an activity.  It went something like this:  Consider how Man/Woman is at his/her Best.   Below are my personal reflections.  Before you read mine you may want to make a list for yourself.

I like to think people are at their Best when they are relaxed, hopeful, optimistic, accepting, aspiring, goal-setting, and forward moving.  Also, when one is self-aware, maintains objectivity and has a developed sense of belonging.  Of course, I am at my best when my sense of humor is intact and there is an easiness to my laughter.  And something else which I have found to be very important, for me, is to be able to tap into creativity and possibility.

Next, he continued, think how Woman/Man is at their Worst.  Again, jot down your own list before reading on.

At their Worst, I find people are anxious, irritable, inflexible, and clenched.  Further, when they posses an external locus of control, are full of duplicity, in a state of chronic dread or apathy, and a naysayer.

To complete the activity,  Dr. Kahn had us ponder Change:  What makes it ripe to occur?  What nudges us in order to allow Change to take place?  What gets you from here to there, from Point A to Point B, from unhappy to happy?

For me, the answer to this is open-mindedness, using trial and error, being diligent, and having perseverance. In addition, I find change is more apt to happen by having a coach or mentor, working/socializing in a collegial atmosphere, as well as surrounding myself with like-minded or open-minded people.  Lastly, of course, there is love.  The ability to feel the love of others and express love to others can move mountains.

How are you at your best?  How are you at your worst or most unbecoming?  What gets you unstuck and how does this happen?  Think about it and let me know how the process of change works for you.
Personal Note:  To this day, Dr. Kahn has a strong pull on how I pursue the Art of Being a Counselor.  He was big on the ABC's of counseling.  I think there is a blog post about this in my future.